Stubborn Children

Looking at my four year old son nobody can predict that he can put a mule to shame due to his stubbornness. I have tried every trick to soften him up. But ultimately he does what he wants do. I really cannot make out for what this kid cries for. He actually looks for excuses to cry. His eight year old sister is an angel compared to him.

We travel a lot and every time we do that I have to make sure both the kids get a window seats. This time it so happened that when we were coming down to Delhi from Jammu and there was no window seats available. The tantrum he threw was unbearable. My husband looked the other way pretending that we were not with him. I was embarrassed to the hoot. I literally wanted be invincible at that moment. He stopped howling when my co passenger gave her window seat to him.

That got me thinking. I am I a bad parent? I do not know. Since I am working and come home late in the evening, I have “guilty mom gene”. Because majority of the time in the office I just forget about the kids.

Both the kids are angels at times. They keep their room clean. Do all the daily chores. But when they stuck on something they stick to it no matter what. I have never used physical disciplining or verbal abuse towards my kids. Nor I have taken my frustrations on the kids. In fact I don’t attend many of the evening “couple only” parties because I have to leave the children at home. I really hope he grows out of his stubbornness.

My daughter -Anandita

My Daughter- Anandita

I was prompted to write this after an advt (you know for what) which I saw when I was taking my baby daughter to Jammu to meet my in laws.
This is what it was
It is better to pay 500 Rs. now than 50,000 Rs. later
(in dowry for the girl child at marriage)
Even after 6 years it still echoes in my thoughts. My daughter is my first born. I have never waited for anyone’s arrival than hers. She is the one who made me a complete woman. It does sound a little clichéd but it is true. My husband whom I have never seen around the company of children before took to her like a fish to water. It is because of this special bond which they share that I decided to quit a good career and shift to the location of his posting.
After she was born I was more observant and cautious of the comments which others make of girl child. What I have observed is that for centuries we are biased towards the male child. I have seen it in urban educated families. One of the families I know was going for ultra sound scan when she was pregnant for the third time. I asked what you will do after you find out about the sex of the fetus. She said” if it is a boy I will keep it otherwise MTP”. I was shocked, such educated people .so much for their education.
People comment when they see a couple with two boys “you are lucky no tension at all”. Couple with two girls are unlucky they have to educate their girls and also save for dowry.
Our kids are our own whether it’s a boy or girl. We as parents can make a difference. Let our girls be born.

Father

For MY FATHER
I have always wanted to hear that I am more special than my siblings from my father. But all I heard was “you are my stepini tyre”. This was because I have an elder sister and a younger brother. So with out me also the family was complete. Now it is more than14 years since we lost him. I was in college; my sister just completed her PG, and brother was in 12th. How these years passed with its ups and downs in our life, I don’t know. We just managed to come out unscathed may be because of the good base that he gave us.

He was very stingy as far as showing emotions. Only a very few occasions I saw tears in his eyes. One incident I clearly remember I was studying in the Engineering college and staying in hostel. My brother along with father had come to give some entrance exam which he could not clear. Father was very disturbed by this as my brother was not very good at academics and out of the blue asked me to help him out in the future. Now I want him to know that he is doing well for him self .
As an individual he was doing well for himself. He lost his parents early in life and took care of his siblings and got his sisters married well and was a parent figure to them. May be it was his destiny to complete that responsibility. I have never heard him complain why this had happened to him.
I always thought the way you left us was unfair and always asked god why this should happen to us. I still remember the phone call to my hostel, though they did not tell me what has happened I knew it was all over. Massive cardiac arrest that is what they said. And when I saw the body it was not the way I wanted to remember you. I wish I had not seen it that way.

Now I want to talk to you and see our children and husbands. I just wish I am not late in telling you this. I remembered you every time something good happened in my life, my marriage, and motherhood. Only those who lost their loved ones understand why I still get tears when I think of him. I think you would have been proud of your children today as all the three of us are doing well for ourselves.

I always wonder why you never lived to see good things happening to us. I sometimes think God was unfair to you. You never started a day without praying to God. But then sometimes I think, you never asked God for good things for yourself. I am sure you asked God to take care of your family, which he did fulfill.

So “Achan” you can take a good rest now.